Throughout my life, (as I’m sure almost everyone can relate to) I have been hurt and betrayed by people I trusted with my whole self. I feel like once I completely let someone into my life, and let them know everything about me, they left. Sometimes with a reason, sometimes with no words at all.
I’ve had best friends who put partying and hooking up with guys in front of me at all costs, but on the flip end expected me to be there when they needed me. I have felt used, manipulated, and all together not good enough and that’s not how friends should make you feel
So, somewhere along the way I made the decision I wasn’t going to trust people anymore. The only one I put trust into was God. My faith is the center of my life so I only allowed myself to trust in the Lord, since I thought He was the only one who would never let me down.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t anything to do with my current friends, or the ones who have always been there reading this like why don’t you trust me? When in reality, the only one I don’t trust is myself in making decisions about who to trust.
I’m an extremely emotional person, but rarely let people know what’s bothering me. I see my problems and struggles as burdens to others and I cannot seem to shake this.
But on January 24, 2015 that all began to change. Kappa Delta has not only changed my college experience completely, but it has helped me start to change my perception of myself and my decision making skills when it comes to trust.
I’ve had multiple girls post on my wall on Facebook just to tell me they love me, if that’s not a feel good, I don’t know what is. For the first time in my life, I am finding myself believing that I belong.
A few weeks ago, I had a slight mental breakdown and texted a girl in my sorority at roughly 2 am asking if she was awake. She wasn’t but the next day she texted me apologizing for not being awake and asked if I wanted to get lunch, although I didn’t end up talking about everything that was going through my mind at that late hour, she was there for me just to talk about anything. She distracted me, and helped me remember all that’s good in my life.
Our sorority had senior sendoff on Sunday, and although I did not have a graduating senior in my family, I was still given gifts from an amazing senior, whom I have grown close to. Another senior, I don’t know that well gave me a letter telling me she thinks I am a great Kappa Delta.
I have met so many amazing women in the past few months who have completely changed my life. Although, I may not be opening up to anyone completely anytime soon, I do know that I could go to anyone of my 200+ sisters and they would be there.
Our sisterhood is unbreakable, and realizing that has helped me start to remove my present circumstances from past relationships. Obviously having my trust broken will always hurt, but learning to trust actual people again would not have been possible without Kappa Delta and the amazing girls in my chapter.